I choose Health

Okay. Thanksgiving is over. I ate more than I should have (of course), overindulged on desserts even when I wasn't hungry (of course).   I know holidays are coming. Channukah (aka the Jewish holiday in which we celebrate our military victories with oil, fried potatoes, and donuts) will be here soon, and then all the Christmas treats will be offered to me from every direction.

The damage is bad. I had lost nearly 70 pounds at one point, and I'm fairly certain I put pretty much all of it back. The clothes don't fit me anymore. XL yoga pants are tight on me. Size 16/18 pants don't fit. It's bad. I had to buy a few XXL stuff. I gave that stuff away.  I was so sure I wouldn't need it anymore. And I HATE myself for letting it get to the point where I wonder if that was a mistake. I'm essentially back to square one.

Tomorrow, November 30th 2015, I am starting over.

What's going to make this time different?

I'd be lying if I didn't say that my confidence is at an all-time low. I don't feel strong. I don't feel capable. I don't feel like I deserve to be strong OR capable.

My goal for this blog is to help me be accountable, honest, and provide affirmations to myself that I can do this.  The plan is not rocket science. The struggle has always been in my head. 

So here I go, on the eve of day 1.

• I choose to end the day feeling good about my food choices.
• I choose to set a good example for my children and my family.
• I choose to stop and challenge myself to make the right choices when temptations are presented to me.
• I choose to put a higher importance on my long-term health than my short-term satisfaction from food.
• I choose to ignore that voice in my head that says "You don't deserve this." and "Why bother?"
• I choose to focus on what's right for me and not letting myself become fodder for naysayers who cast judgement to cover up their own insecurities
• I choose to take the first steps to becoming healthy.
• I choose not to look back.