Weekend of Questionable Choices

I don't feel good about this weekend.  I didn't do anything egregiously terrible or totally off-plan, but I don't feel that I made the best possible choices that I could have made, and I have a lot of anxiety/fear about what kind of damage I have done.  I still don't trust that my body/metabolism have any forgiveness for making slightly less-than-great choices.

Here is the gist of what went down:

• Saturday:  I had two "eating out" scenarios, so I decided to do a 4/2 (4 meal replacements and 2 lean/greens) and plan accordingly rather than get frustrated. 
• The first was an oneg lunch after Shabbat Services (our synagogue is auditioning for a new Rabbi). I ate a mixed salad (which had some fruits, like cranberries and a bit of mango, that I tried to eat around), some cucumber/tomato chopped salad with dill, a few small scoops of egg salad, and a few pieces of lox.  
• The second was my brother-in-law's 40th birthday dinner at a BBQ restaurant. I ordered a brisket platter that came with 2 sides, of which I selected a side salad, and seasoned green beans.
• After dinner, one of my absolute favorite chocolate fudge layer cakes was served for dessert. I went downstairs after the singing was over so I wasn't tempted. While down there, my brother-in-law's sister (who really could *not* be any skinnier) informed me that she's on a diet because she hasn't lost all of her "baby weight". I guess there's no hope for us mere mortals, huh? ;-)
• While these weren't inherently terrible off-plan choices on the surface, I started to stress about them later. The dressing in the salad at the synagogue? Probably had some sugar. I tried to avoid the fruit in the salad, but I probably some. The lox? Fatty. The egg salad? Full of mayo -- also fatty.  The brisket? VERY fatty, and doused in BBQ sauce which was probably loaded with sugar.  I was filled with a lot of anxiety at the end of the day. Did I totally screw up? Did I knock myself out of fat burn? Am I going to be back over 200lbs as quickly as I left it?
• Sunday: Our 10th (Yes, 10th!) Annual Puppybowl/Superbowl party. Which meant lots of snacks, treats, you name it. I decided that after New Year's Eve, I wanted to prove to myself that I can stay on plan in a social situation loaded with lots of junk food. But my confidence was not high. I was snippy with my husband all morning, and while he might have deserved half of it, the other half was definitely me feeling nervous and edgy about this situation and how I was going to remain strong.
• I generally stayed on plan. I prepared a cheesy spaghetti squash casserole (which a few people tried and enjoyed). I had medifast for snack & dessert. 
• One of my friends brought chicken wings that were boiled, and then seasoned and baked -- not fried! So I had a few (or several) without the buffalo sauce (which I'm not a fan of anyways). My other friend made a Cheesy Chili Mexican dip. While I did not have any tortilla chips, I did take several spoonfulls of the dip on its own. I probably ate more of that than I should have.
• I am guilty of eating one and a half M&M's, as well as a few tiny crumbs of brownie and a few crumbs of ginger snap cookies. I know these bites add up.

My coach suggested I skip the scale tomorrow, and I think that's probably a good idea.  While I'm not exactly thrilled at my less-than-stellar choices, I'm most upset that I let myself feel weak and out of control. I went INTO the situation feeling on shaky ground, which was almost a self-fulfilling prophesy.

While I wasn't perfect (far from it), I hate that the second I acknowledge it, I'm immediately filled with this fear that I have ruined everything beyond repair. I have to believe that for all that I struggled today, that it was still better than had I just said "Screw it!" and ate everything in sight.  But will the scale and the fit of my pants punish me?

I'm going to sign up to take a spin class tomorrow, and hopefully kick some ass and work off the negative energy.  I have to be able to forgive myself and have a LITTLE faith in my body. We're a team.... right?