Breaking the Monotony + Non-Scale Victory

I caught up with my coach yesterday, and she reminded me (yet again) that my thoughts are normal an that I'm a human being.  That I have to be more forgiving of these thoughts, because they are human ones.

We tossed around an idea of letting myself go easy on the plan once in a while to help shake up the feeling of being deprived. I think that's part of the problem with having to lose 100 pounds instead of just 10 or 20. It is just such a LONG journey, and the fatigue and boredom sets in after a few months. Next week is the Parent's Night Out Fundraiser at L's preschool, which 2 years ago fell during my first week of starting TSFL.  I've been doing this for 2 friggin' years now. It's frustrating that I'm still fighting the same [mental] blocks. I had visions of myself  one or two years later being at trim, healthy person -- possibly even an inspiration for others.  I'm still bogged down in frustration and shame.

I'm afraid of the idea of easing off the plan, but it does sound like a bit of a relief. But the way I see it, there are a few things that have to happen if I am to try this:

• This wouldn't be a full day off-plan eating whatever the hell I want. No going completely overboard like I did on New Year's Eve. Maybe just allowing myself a little taste of the carbs, or a few bites of dessert without feeling guilty.
• This would be maybe one meal, not the whole day. At least until I can prove to myself that I can handle it.
• This would happen ONCE a month (at max)
• I'd have to go RIGHT BACK ON PLAN the next day
• My expectations have to be realistic -- I will likely not lose weight that week, and in fact, I might even gain. And I have to be willing to be OK with that. Because if my progress stalls for 1 week, but is solid the other 3 weeks, and it helps keep my attitude in line, it might be worth it.

Just thinking about how I would attack this makes me feel somewhat more in control. Perhaps that's part of what's holding me back -- being on a strict plan makes me feel powerless, almost like I'm a prisoner. This COULD be good, but I can't let it mentally turn into an excuse. I'm not sure yet.

On an unrelated note, I had (what I'd call) a non-scale victory yesterday. I took R to meet my sister and her kids at my nephew's baseball practice, which is 2 hours long. So we went for a long walk around the nearby lake. It's around 2.5 miles. R rode her bike (we're working on building her confidence so she can ditch the training wheels soon) and everyone else walked. My sister was clearly getting tired, I was fine -- I even took over pushing the stoller for her. I ran a few times with the stroller to catch-up / chase the older kids.  Later at dinner, my sister said to me "I don't know about you, but my legs feel like jelly." I said "I feel great".

And I meant it.

(P.S..... she's the thinner one... by a lot)

So I guess I'm doing something right.