Day 5: Being Tested Already

Well, it's only day 5 and I already missed a day of blogging. I blame the jerk I dealt with for 2 hours at Verizon Wireless.  Long story.

Day 4 was mostly uneventful. It was a busy day. 2-year-old refused another nap, both ate a reasonable dinner, got both to bed by myself without much difficulty. I had leftover zucchini lasagna as my Lean & Green.

Today was one of my first big "tests". There was a family Shabbat at synagogue, and they were having a "light" dinner beforehand, which consisted of bagels. I knew about it in advance, so it was not a surprise, and I brought a bag of cinnamon pretzels with me, but I was ready to chew my arm off I wanted a bagel so badly. And I felt myself getting cranky. At one point I took a tiny nip of the 2-year-old's unfinished bagel. I chewed it and relished the taste, then spit it out into my hand and put it in the garbage.

Then, after the service, they had a traditional Channukah dessert -- Jelly filled donuts. I don't even LIKE jelly in donuts. But I could have knocked over 50 people to have one. I didn't. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and how much I would love to have one, and how deprived I felt that I couldn't have what everyone else was having.

My body feels OK (aside from being exhausted from not sleeping terribly well, and the kids had a rough day...) so I feel fairly confident that I made it to fat burn. But I really hope the mental strength improves with time. I didn't give up, but I felt the weakest I've felt since I started. And the weekend is only starting... a lot more temptation is on the immediate horizon.

Health is worth it.

I am worth it.

I have to be stronger than food.

Notes:

• Lean & Green: Salad after the kids went to bed. I was too hungry to wait for anything to cook, even if I had the patience to cook it. I topped it with some rotisserie chicken breast, and a cut-up piece of string cheese (I noticed that it is exactly 1 oz, so I know how much I'm eating)
• Bad habit alert: There was probably an oz or two of cheese leftover in the fridge. I ate it after dinner. I shouldn't have. I felt guilty. I don't think I was over my protein allotment because I didn't add that much chicken to my salad, but it was an impulsive, emotional choice, which is what I need to learn to control better. 
• I feel like I should have more to say, but I'm tired....